Guess Who's Back?

Me! I have returned from a 3 week long hiatus spent recovering at my home in Ohio. I feel so relieved, but also a little....empty? now that all of my pressing matters have been attended to. The MCAT went fabulously and I felt much more confident after the test than I did with my first so that was a win. Then the following Monday I had my breast reduction and I just couldn't be happier. The first week was a little rough, not too much pain but a lot of immobility, nausea, and sleeping. I'm now 2 weeks out and the results look so much better than I could have ever expected, I am so pleased!

I tried on strapless dresses that zipped with no difficulty! Amazing! I can already tell how much more confident I feel which is probably the best thing about the surgery for me. I spent a lot of time trying to hide my large chest under baggy clothes and feeling like I held so much more weight than I actually did, leading me to have a slight body dysmorphia complex and leaving me feeling more body-conscious than I should. Now I feel like the person trapped behind those big boobs has finally been set free and I honestly feel like a new woman.

So what now? Now that I don't have to spend hours in the library studying or down time recovering I'm at a loss as to what I need to do. I am working, but I feel strange now that the hard part is behind me. There is much to look forward to this next year, but there hasn't been a time since grade school that I haven't been in school. So weird. I should enjoy it, I know, but honestly I enjoy school and feel happiest when I am learning and when I'm not in school I feel like I've lost my purpose. At least that makes me feel like I know I am heading down a rewarding career path where the learning never ends. In the meantime, I will cherish my free weekends and time spent with friends.

The latest

Hola! Time is flying by and I don't know where it is going. I need to remember to just savor the moments in my day and not constantly look toward the future or plan ahead. Life has been a bit chaotic lately, but in a good way - I think.

Last week my friend Alyssa and I took spontaneous trip to Key West to relax and recharge and it was lovely. I didn't take any pictures because a: I forgot my camera (I said it was spontaneous!) and b: as stated above I've been trying to really live in the moment, enjoy what is happening and not worrying about documenting it or portraying it in a certain way. It felt nice to leave my phone at the hotel and just explore the quaint town of Key West with a good friend, good food, and great drinks. It was only a 24-hour jaunt, but a successful one nonetheless.

On Friday, Rob and I went home to see his family and visit with his adorable niece, Ava. I forget how much I miss having family around until they are gone. We watched the spectacular fireworks in Danvers, visited a number or BBQ's throughout our time there and spent plenty of soaking up the New England summer weather. Someday I'd love to have a little vacation cottage on the Cape where we can spend summers as a whole family together. Dreams...

The only unfortunate part about going home was the noticable absence of Steve, Rob's father. He passed away two years ago in August, and we are still trying to find a way to heal and move forward. I get saddened sometimes thinking abou the relationship we could have had and how close we could have become, but I try not to dwell on it because the "what if's" of life can't be changed. It's nice to see Steve's legacy carry on though through his children who all posess unique aspects of his personality and help to fill the void of his absence. His death truly showed me how precious life is and how each day is a blessing not to be taken for granted. That may sound cliche, but out of loss comes learning and for that I am thankful.

My travels continue this Friday with a trip home to Ohio for my test and big surgery and I am so excited I can hardly wait. I'll try to keep you "abreast" (pun intended) of my progress! Happy July!

Dad's Day

Father's day is a particularly difficult day in our household, but nevertheless we are wishing all the dad's out there a happy day. We lost Rob's father two years ago this August, and I grew up largely without a father in my life so instead, we are celebrating Rob being a dad to our little MJ.

This morning I cooked a breakfast feast for the two of us and the smell of frying bacon reminded me of summer mornings spent at my Nana's sitting on the sun porch while my Granddad manned the kitchen. Even though I haven't had the strongest male presence in my life, I am so thankful for Rob and the man that he is now and will be to our future children. I see the way he acts with his niece and how he treats the women in his life and I know that he will provide that special bond between a father and a child that mom's can't seem to compete with.

 I hope everyone takes some times today to cherish the memories of their father figures or share some special moments with them today. Cheers dad's!

Hi There

You guys, I know I have been soooo negligent. I feel bad. Truly I am such a boring soul right now though. The good news is that I am just moments away from submitting my medical school applications which means I will be back to my semi-regular posting soon!

Here is a picture of what my days consist of when I am not studying, working, or applying. Also I want you to know MJ is alive and well!

Also, today I found out through missingmoney.com that I have a paycheck from 4 years ago waiting for me to collect - cha-ching! $$

I'm alive

Sorry for the blogging hiatus! I've been busy and haven't remembered to keep true to my loyal (3) followers! I've been doing a lot of studying since, unfortunately for me, I didn't do as well on my MCAT as I'd hoped and opted to take it again (major bummer) and I am in the middle of putting the finishing touches on my med school applications (even major-er bummer). Currently I am sitting in the library checking out the male anatomy - in a textbook alas.

On the upswing, it is nice out today and hopefully after some more studious behavior I will reward myself with some pool time and a skinnygirl pina colada. I am addicted to that drink, it is just too good!
I will try not to forget you all in my absence, but bear with me for my life is truly uninteresting right now.

I do have some big news to share, however! Yesterday I scheduled my breast reduction/lift!! This may not be exciting to you, but honestly I am so over the moon! For years I've struggled with the burdens of big boobies, and some of you may say big boobs are no burden, but let me tell you....they are. I ballooned out in eight grade and my lady lumps haven't stopped growing since, ugh! Soon I will be able to go into a store and have a dress fit the same in the waist and the bust, and not have to search out every flowy/empire waist garment to reinforce the fact that yes, I DO have a waistline. And the bikinis, oh the bikinis! I will no longer have to special order them and pay gazillions of dollars! As you can see I am really excited. It's happening in July, and it can't come soon enough.

That's all I've got for you for now. I'll try to keep up to date with some interesting (or at least not absent) content. Have a good weekend!

Happy Hump Day!

I love/hate that saying- hump day, you? My Wednesday started off with bumper to bumper traffic in the pouring rain on my way to work, but was made better with a Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte and some Munchkin's. Sometimes you just need a doughnut, ya know?

To rebound from yesterday's downer post I will give you a picture of the cutie pie, MJ.

I mean, look at that face.

I still can't believe we have a dog, but I'm glad that we do. She is just a bundle of love. 

Other highlights today included me successfully recognizing osteoarthritis in a patient and recommending a proper course of treatment when prompted by the doctor I'm working with, as well as a case of avascular necrosis. I was pretty proud of myself since I've only been exposed to orthopedics for 2 weeks. The doctor I am working with is so helpful in describing his diagnostic techniques and is eager to help me really learn and understand the ins and outs of what he does. It reinforces my desire to become a doctor, no matter how stressful and trying the process is at times. 

Also, the Revenge season finale is on tonight so I am pretty pumped. All is well in the world. 

A little bit of honesty

Lately I've been feeling kind of low, lacking that joie de vivre, so to say. Nothing in my life is particularly bad per se, but I can't seem to shake that feeling of lethargy during the day and lack of enthusiasm for practically everything. Some may say it's just a funk or a phase, but what concerns me is that it's been for a prolonged period now and I am noticing signs - signs that I had back in 2007 when I hit a really rough period in life. I was medicated then for depression and a few other issues, and stayed on my medication for about 2 years, finally weaning off it after I felt that I was getting better. Today I made an appointment with my old psychiatrist to sort out what's going on and see if she has any informative medical insight.

I know mental health is a hot button issue for a lot of people. Many don't believe in therapy or psychiatric help, or simply think it is for seriously "crazy" people. But let me tell you honestly, both therapy and medication helped me tremendously when I needed it desperately. I tend to be the type of person who holds a lot of things inside, and tries to deal with any negativity or anger in an internalized way. Going to therapy helped me learn how to open up about my problems and concerns and work through a lot of things that I had been holding on to for a long time. My family has had a long history of mental health issues, and therefore I have a genetic predisposition to certain conditions and I've seen and felt the mental and physical toll that such issues can take on an individual. That being said, I find it to be SO important to keep my mental health in check just as I would my physical health. Yes, it sucks feeling this way, but there are so many resources I have to help treat and prevent any more serious issues from arising. I don't think I should be embarrassed to admit there is something going on, and seek some kind of remedy, be it medication or otherwise. 

Hopefully this feeling will subside, and I remind myself every day that I have so many things in my life to be thankful for and so many blessings to count. As much as I would like my life to be sunshine and roses all the time, it simply isn't and no one's can be. I just need to take it one day at a time and know that this too shall pass.